


I'll Make it up to You

by destielsuperwholockbandhoorah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 10:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4916623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielsuperwholockbandhoorah/pseuds/destielsuperwholockbandhoorah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is part of the way through his freshman year of college, finally away from his family and finally getting to be his own person. He generally keeps his head down, stays out of the way of other people, but sometimes that can have the opposite effect of what is desired. Because one day he quite literally collides with something that turns his life in a whole new direction once again. There starts an odd friendship with Dean Winchester, and an endless string of coffee dates and little favors and maybe a kiss or two in the rain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Make it up to You

Cas yawned and slapped his alarm clock, before tucking his face into his pillow and letting out a low groan. He hated Mondays, and not just for the obvious reason of them being Mondays. They were the day he had to wake up earliest for classes as well, which just made the whole ordeal that much harder to handle. After a few minutes, he sighed and rolled out of bed, heading for the shower to hopefully wake himself up a little before he had to head to his calculus class. Because seriously, who would schedule calculus as nine in the morning on a Monday? Crazy people, that’s who.

The whole day felt a little bit off, as Cas went to his classes that morning, as well as through lunch and his one class in the afternoon. It just felt like something was going to happen, like something was going to change, and it made him unsettled in his chair, made it hard to focus. So really how surprising was it, what happened to him that afternoon?

It came out of nowhere, really. Cas had just been walking down sidewalk through the grassy area of campus on his way back to his dorm after classes, his mind preoccupied, and suddenly there was a loud pain in his head and he had been sent sprawling, landing hard on his back on the concrete behind him with a short, loud yell, elbows jarring and scraping on the ground. He landed on his overfull backpack, and it knocked the wind out of his chest. It happened in a split second, and was over just as quickly, as his head hit the ground and blacked out with a crack.

 

 

 

Cas opened his eyes a little bit, and immediately shut them again as his head flared with pain at the bright lights he encountered. But the damage had been done, and even with his eyes closed, his head ached, and he could see the light through his eyelids. His throat was dry and sore and he didn’t feel like he could talk, but he must have let out a groan, because he heard voices and people moving towards him.

He left his eyes closed though. Opening would mean facing the bright lights and the people in his surroundings and he was not ready for that. He had no idea what had happened. He had been walking back to his dorm, and then... ah, if his head didn’t hurt so badly, he thought he could remember. But the ache in his skull was blocking the thoughts from coming in right.

There were fuzzy voices around him he thought he should focus on probably, but it all hurt, and he would much rather sink back into the darkness he had been in before. It was warm and quiet and it hadn’t hurt nearly so bad.

But the voices got louder and more insistent, and Cas decided he had better open his eyes and wake up, if only to tell them to be quiet. So it was very slowly and carefully that he opened his eyes, squinting at the light around him and groaning slightly at the pain.

What came into focus were two people standing next to his bed, who had stopped talking to each other as soon as he had started to open his eyes again. One of them came forward, and Cas squinted at them as his eyes continued to adjust and he started to realize how much of his body hurt.

“How are you doing, dear?” the person asked him, and Cas looked closer to see it was a rather old, kindly looking woman, and behind her stood a young man, both dressed in similar clothing that seemed like he should recognize it as some sort of uniform.

“What?” Cas asked, his voice rough, like he hadn’t talked in a while. He probably hadn’t.

“You got hit in the head, I’m afraid,” the woman said, checking something next to where Cas was laying down. “With a soccer ball, it was. Knocked you right down. They brought you to the first aid building on your college campus first, but you were out so cold and your head was bleeding, so they thought it best to send you up here to the hospital.” She then turned to the man behind her. “You can let him in in a few minutes, I suppose.” He nodded and left.

Cas was trying to wrap his head around the whole thing still. He was in the hospital? The last time he had been in the hospital was when he broke his arm falling out of a tree when he was ten.

The woman, whom Cas assumed must have been a nurse or something, was watching him kindly. “How’s your head?”

“Hurts,” Cas grunted, closing his eyes. Everything hurt, he couldn’t think, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

She made a quiet noise, and Cas heard her moving around. A few seconds later, there was a rush of coolness through him, and the aching began to subside.

“I just gave you some more pain medicine,” she explained, “through the IV.”

There was an IV? He hadn’t even noticed before. But as the pounding ache in his body and head faded down to something more manageable, he started to take his surroundings in more, and opened his eyes again. He was in what appeared to be a hospital room, with a curtain slung halfway around his bed and white sheets covering most of his body. There were some machines to his left, and a faint beeping was coming from them. The IV was in his elbow, and he avoided looking at it, the thought of a tube inside him made him very uncomfortable.

A few moments later, someone new came into the room. It was a young man, who appeared to be around the same age as Cas. He wore a guilty, apologetic look on his face and was wringing his hands. “Heya,” he said uncertainly, and bit his lip slightly. He had nice lips, Cas noticed, and nice eyes too. Such a nice shade of green and all those freckles that dusted his cheeks…

Oh right, he had said something. His voice was nice, like a dark sort of honey, and Cas tried to remember what he had said. The pain medicine was numbing his mind as well as his body, and he felt a little giddy and rather unfocused.

“Hello,” Cas managed after a long while of the man standing there and wringing his hands. He smiled at him. What was such a good looking person doing in his hospital room? Maybe his head injury was making him imagine things.

“Look man,” the freckled man stepped forward a little bit, “I’m really sorry for what happened, I wasn’t paying attention, and it was an accident, and now you’re here and I feel absolutely awful about it, and just, I’m really, really sorry.”

Cas wrinkled his nose and squinted in confusion. “Wait what are you talking about?”

“I was the one who accidentally hit you in the head with the soccer ball and got you into this place,” He looked down at his feet and fidgeted some more.

 _Ohhhhh_. “Oh, okay.”

“I’m so sorry, I really am, if there’s anything I can do, I- I’ll pay for the hospital bills, I’ll do anything.” He looked so miserable, it was starting to make Cas feel bad too.

He waved his hand a little, “No, it’s alright, don’t feel bad, I’m fine.”

“Dude, you’re in a hospital bed on an IV, with several kinds of pain medications, a major concussion, and eleven stitches in the back of your head. That’s not okay.”

Cas frowned. “Well, I’ll be alright. Don’t feel too bad about it.” He knew really that he should care more about what had happened, but it had been an accident, right? How could he be mad about that? “What’s your name?”

The man looked a little confused for a second and then collected himself. “Dean Winchester.”

Cas grinned sleepily. “Very nice to meet you, Dean Winchester.” He held a hand up and out to Dean, who grasped it firmly. “My name is Castiel Novak. You can call me Cas though. A lot of people do.”

“Nice to meet you too, Cas.” Dean smiled shyly, and maybe Cas was imagining the pink tinge in his face, but it looked cute underneath his freckles.

“I know you say it’s fine,” Dean said as he let go of Cas’s hand, “But I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” Cas asked, amused, letting his hand fall down back on the sheets, and feeling an odd, small sense of loss that Dean had let go, that he mentally shook away.

Dean shrugged. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Looking forward to it,” Cas grinned.

They talked for a little while, and found they rather enjoyed each other’s company. They ended up exchanging numbers before Dean left for a class he had to get to. Cas watched him go with a little sigh. Trust him to get hit in the head by the cutest guy he’d ever seen, who also seemed to be extremely nice and kind and considerate and funny and somehow wanted to spend more time with him, as his friend.

After Dean left, he realized how very tired he was. The nurse came back in after a few minutes, as Cas was getting ready to close his eyes.

“You only seemed to have on emergency contact listed, a brother, Gabriel Novak, correct? We called him, left him a voice mail, is there anyone else we should call? Parents?”

Gabriel was probably swamped by his candy business, either that or with his wife, Kali, was keeping him busy. Cas wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t get that message for a few days. He would probably get a freaked out phone call when he was home later. “No, no parents or anyone to call,” Cas answered with a tired smile.

The nurse nodded with what Cas was sure she thought was a sad, sympathetic look. He knew what she assumed, and he let her assume it. It was easier than the real answer. She left quietly and he went to sleep.

 

 

The next day, Dean visited him again around lunchtime, and they hung out for a bit. Cas was feeling a lot better that day, they had taken the IV out before he had gone to sleep for the night the day before, and he was able to sit up and talk with Dean when he came by. Cas found himself smiling and talking a lot more than he had expected himself to, which was both nice and disconcerting. He didn’t usually like talking to people very much, he lived his life with his nose in a book, or sitting by himself outside. After growing up in such a large family, the way it had been, he tended to prefer not being in the company of someone. But Dean was bright and kind and talkative, and managed to bring Castiel out of his shell without really trying.

They told him that they would probably let him out later that day, which Cas was really looking forward to. He was missing class while he was in here, and he had assignments to do. He missed having quiet and warmth and comfort and privacy as well; that was lacking in a hospital bed.

When Dean came, he brought lunch up to Cas, who accepted it with a grumbled, “You didn’t have to do that.”

To which Dean just shrugged. “Well I want to. So I am. Are you going to eat your pie?”

Cas, as a matter of fact, was not going to eat his pie. He was pretty queasy from the concussion and the medication, and couldn’t eat a whole lot. So he happily gave Dean his small sliver of pie, and laughed a little to himself at the delighted look on Dean’s face. Dean’s grin and happiness were infectious, and Cas still had a faint smile on his face after Dean was gone.

As he noticed the smile though, Cas groaned and put his head in his hands. This was going to get really tough if he didn’t control himself. It really would not do to fall for the guy who landed him in the hospital, like he already felt himself doing, bit by bit.

 

 

He did have a few other friends who visited him that day. His roommate Balthazar dropped in, as did his friend Hannah, and they had nice little visits. They did let him out that evening, just in time for him to have dinner at the dorm cafeteria with Hannah, who had driven him back to campus after he was released and made sure he was alright. She was a good friend, and Cas was glad to have her. She was a little uptight sometimes and a stickler for the rules, but a good person.

His head still hurt, but it was manageable, and they had prescribed him some extra strength acetaminophen, which helped. His elbows were scraped up pretty bad, but the back of his head was worse. He was lucky not to have cracked his skull, with how he had went down and smacked his head on the concrete, but he had still had to have those eleven stitches that Dean had mentioned, which meant that a small part of the back of his head had been shaved, which was rather embarrassing looking. He figured he would be wearing some sort of hat most of the time for the next couple of months until his hair grew out to cover it. He was pretty sure he would have a scar though.

The next day was a frenzy of classes and trying to get notes and work that he had missed the last couple of days. Thankfully, he hadn’t had too many classes those days, and it didn’t seem he had missed too much, about which he was grateful.

He got a text from Dean at one point checking up on him, to which he responded that he was doing pretty well. They talked for a little while, and then Cas phone started to ring, the photo of the person calling filling up his screen. He wasn’t surprised, and answered it.

“Hello Gabriel.”

“Cas! Little brother, I got a call from the hospital, and-”

Cas cut him off, “Yes, I know. I’m home now and I’m fine. It was just a concussion and a few stitches. You don’t need to worry.”

“You’re family, of course I’m going to worry,” Gabe told him with a sigh. “I’m just glad you’re alright. You and me are all we’ve got, you know?”

“You have Kali,” Cas pointed out, leaning back in his chair a little bit.

“Yeah, but who else do you have, Cas? I’ve gotta look out for you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Cas insisted again. Then after a moment, “thank you, though.”

“Course,” Gabe answered gruffly. “If you need any help with anything, make sure and ask.”

“I will.” He didn’t really have any intention of asking for anything, but he figured it was best to accept it.

“Seriously, I mean it. Getting around, hospital bills, whatever.”

“Thanks Gabe. The insurance is covering most of it, I’ve got my friends, and the bills aren’t too bad, so I think I’ll be good, but I do appreciate it.”

They talked a little while longer, about inconsequential things, about how their lives were going and such. It was nice, Cas and his brother may be the only real family that they had left, but they were both busy people who didn’t get a chance to talk much. Soon enough though, Gabriel had to go.

“Bye Gabe, I’ll talk to you later. Give Kali a hug for me.”

“Will do, talk to you later Cassie.”

He hung up before Cas could complain about the nickname that Gabe always seemed to enjoy calling him, and Cas gave a small exasperated sigh. But he was smiling. He tried not to give what his brother had said too much thought. _But who else do you have, Cas?_ The question rattled around in his brain for a while, giving him a headache. He took some Tylenol and forced himself to focus on something else. Gabe had Kali, but Cas had never had someone like that in his life, a significant other of any sort. And he had been fine with that for a while, but thoughts like what his brother had said kept coming back to bug him, and he was starting to wish for someone that was something other than a friend.

Both Cas and Dean were surprised, the next day, to find that they shared an English class. Cas walked in and was greeted with a smile and a wave by a smiling green eyed and freckled face. Cas grinned back at him, and walked over to say hi, a little nervously adjusting the straps of his backpack and pulling down the back edge of the beanie he had been wearing to cover up the back of his head.

“Hello Dean,” Cas smiled, and sat down in the chair that Dean pulled out next to himself in invitation.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Dean replied, with a little laugh.

Cas looked over at him a little shyly, hoping that the heat in his face wasn’t too apparent. “Yeah, imagine that.”

“Liking the hat,” Dean said, lifting his hand, almost as if to touch Cas’s head, before lowering it and clearing his throat a little.

Now Cas was sure that his cheeks were pink. “Thanks. I need it to cover up the back of my head, because of the stitches, you know.”

Dean looked down and seemed to shrink a little. “Ah right, sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Cas hurried to say, hating to see Dean pulled into himself feeling guilty. Dean looked up at him, and Cas smiled reassuringly. “Really, I’m not mad or anything, and I’ll be alright, you don’t have to feel so bad about it.”

“Well I do,” Dean said, but he straightened up mostly, and the clouds that had come over his expression receded for the most part.

Class started soon after that, but they had a hard time focusing, as they kept talking, whispering under their breath about how boring this was and making jokes to each other throughout the lecture, which was particularly pointless that day, to the point where they got a few exasperated looks from the students around them. Cas had never enjoyed that class so much that entire year.

They walked out of class together, laughing a little.

“I thought you looked a little bit familiar,” Dean bumped Cas lightly in the shoulder. “Guess I know why now.”

“Guess so.”

“Do you normally sit up front?”

“Yes, I like it up there. Though I enjoyed the back today, I’ve never really sat back there and I can see why you enjoy it. I guess that is also why you didn’t seem that familiar. I don’t turn around that much, and I know that I wouldn’t really forget seeing you before.” Cas closed his mouth quickly after that. It had sort of slipped out without him meaning to say it, and he felt his face grow a little warm.

Dean just laughed, and they moved on to another conversation, walking for a bit, before Dean asked, “Hey, where are you headed?”

“Well I guess I was going to get back to my dorm. That’s my last class this afternoon.”

They had stopped walking for the moment, and Dean shuffled his feet a little, looking past Cas as he spoke next. “Do you wanna maybe go and get a coffee or something? I have a good friend who works at this place over by the biotech building who can give us a discount.”

Cas contemplated it for a moment, before replying, “Sure, that sounds good.” _Not a date,_ he told the nervous rush of butterflies in his stomach at the thought, squashing them down and smiling. He couldn’t expect that out of Dean, he’d just get hurt.

So they walked the little ways over to the place Dean was talking about, where they were greeted by a smiling girl, with short fiery red hair, wearing a bright blue and yellow graphic tee under her uniform apron for the coffee shop.

“Hey Charlie, this is Cas, you know, the guy I accidentally hit with the soccer ball,” Dean said it with a little wince at the last part, slinging his arm around the girl, Charlie. “And Cas, this is my good friend, Charlie. She’s a pain in the ass but she’s like the little sister I never wanted.”

Cas smiled and stuck out his hand to Charlie, only to get wrapped in a hug by the smaller girl, which he returned tentatively.

“Nice to meet you, Castiel. I’ve been hearing about you. Any friend of Dean is a friend of mine. How’s your head?”

Cas sighed, even though he couldn’t keep the grin off of his face. “It’s fine, I’m fine.”

“Hey Charlie, could we get some coffees please?”

“Sure thing, Deano.” Charlie winked and left them with a seemingly meaningful glace back that Cas didn’t really understand.

The coffee was good, and Dean ended up buying, although Cas grumbled about it.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yeah I do. And I want to.”

They sat in the corner and talked for a while. Cas really enjoyed spending time with Dean, even though they had only known each other for a few days. And he knew, really, that he should care more about what had happened, but he just didn’t. He just tried not to think about the fact that maybe Dean was only being so nice because he felt bad for what had happened to Cas, and that he didn’t really like Cas as much as he acted like he did. But Cas ignored that little niggling feeling, and instead enjoyed what time with Dean he had.

It was odd, they didn’t have very similar interests, but still managed to keep the conversation going without lull. Cas didn’t watch a lot of shows, but Dean did, and kept bemoaning Cas’s lack of cultural knowledge. Dean was majoring in engineering at the college they went to, why Cas was studying astronomy. It was quite a coincidence that they had ended up in the same basic freshman English course. Cas was glad they had, though.

They parted ways after talking for close to an hour, with a plan to come to the same place after the next time their English class met. Cas walked away with a little bounce in his step and a small feeling of sadness in his stomach that contrasted oddly with the happiness he felt about his new friend.

 

 

“He’s so nice, Hannah,” Cas said, after swallowing a bite of his sandwich. “Like, I almost wish he was a jerk so that I could hate him for it and not have to deal with him being so nice to me.” Cas dropped his chin to his forearms on the table, wincing a little as he brought his head down a little too hard. It was still pretty sensitive.

“That doesn’t really make any sense, Castiel,” she said matter of factly, wiping her mouth with a napkin and setting down her fork, to lean forward on the table on her elbows. Cas said nothing, and she continued. “You’re lucky it was someone nice, and that he’s trying to make it up to you. It could have been some rude jerk who yelled at you or something.”

“Ugh, I know,” Cas sighed. “But it’s really confusing.” He pulled at the sides of his hat, so that it slid down over his face, and heard Hannah laugh softly at him. His next words were muffled, but she could still understand them. “I’m just kinda worried also that he’s just being nice to me because he feels bad, and that after a while he’ll leave and I really don’t want him to because I already really like him.”

He felt Hannah reach over and pull his hat up so that she could look him in the eye. “Castiel, you are a really good and wonderful person, and I wouldn’t doubt that Dean actually wants to be your friend. Who wouldn’t want that?”

Cas smiled up at her a little from where his head still rested on the table. “Thank you Hannah.”

“Of course,” she smiled. “It’s only true.” She looked a little sad though.

The conversation with Hannah made him feel a little better, though he still held his doubts.

But they basically carried on as they were for a while, texting some during most days, and getting coffee after the class they had together twice a week. After a couple of weeks, there was no denying the large crush that Cas had formed on Dean. He was always in the back of Cas’s mind, every time his phone buzzed, Cas jumped at it in hopes it was Dean, and he talked about him a lot. And whenever they met for coffee, Cas left with a warm feeling in his stomach, partly from the coffee but mostly from Dean, and his cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Cas let himself slip into the routine, and let himself pretend sometimes that what he and Dean had was something that it wasn’t. Let himself call it their coffee date inside of his head, let the fact that Dean always insisted on paying mean more than it really did.

After about a month, the headaches were almost gone, however his hair hadn’t grown quite enough for him to be comfortable without a hat. He had grown fond of the hats though actually, and was pretty sure he would wear them even after he wasn’t hiding the back of his head, though not as often of course. He had several of them, and even though they were always a bit warm, being as it was early spring, he wore them out every day. And he told himself that the fact Dean seemed to like them had nothing to do with why he himself liked them.

Dean seemed to show no signs of letting up on the little kindnesses, not that Cas was complaining. He kept doing small little things for Cas, like buying the coffee and bringing him little random things he thought Cas would like (for example, the little bee keychain that Dean had just “happened to find” the day after Cas told him how much he liked bees, and that had been on Cas’s key ring ever since.) Cas enjoyed it, but it all made him feel a little guilty, like he was taking advantage of Dean.

He would always say something like, “You don’t have to do this,” or, “Oh Dean, you didn’t have to,” but Dean would always smile and say something like, “It’s okay Cas, I want to.” And Cas could never quite shake the feeling that Dean was doing it out of some sort of obligation. And the more that Cas liked Dean, and the nicer Dean was, and the more that Dean seemed to genuinely want to be Cas’s friend, the more that that thought hurt.

 

 

“Cas, if you’re so in love with the man why don’t you just ask him out or something,” Balthazar interrupted Cas, who had been talking about Dean, like he did a lot, while lying on his bed one night. Balthazar was sitting at his desk and pushed away from it in his chair to turn towards Cas, a slightly exasperated look on his face. “It’s a pretty safe bet that he likes you too, with all of this stuff he does for you.”

“What?” Cas was slightly taken aback.

“You never shut up about this Dean character.” Balthazar sighed. “And since we’re friends and I am such a wonderful person, I’m telling you that you need to do something about it, because even your friends can get tired of hearing about your crush all day every day. Either ask him out or get over him, Cas.” With that, Balthazar turned back to the computer on his desk and started typing again.

Cas sat in silence for a moment, Balthazar’s words in his head. _If you’re so in love with the man…_ Was he? Could he be? He knew his roommate was right, about that he needed to either do something or move on. But he didn’t know how to do either of those things. He’d only known Dean for a little over a month, and he was already almost Cas’s best friend. Dean had become such an unexplainable piece of Cas’s life, and he didn’t know what to do about it. So, still without any word of answer, Cas rolled over, pulling up his blanket and trying to asleep, though he didn’t succeed until long after Balthazar had put his work away, climbed into his own bed, and turned off the light.

 

 

Cas hung out with Dean a lot. Sometimes Charlie joined them, like at the movie premiere for some sci-fi film that Dean dragged him along to, but for the most part it was just the two of them. The weeks went by, Cas hung out in Dean’s room, where Dean showed him movies and shows that apparently Cas needed to see, and Dean hung out at Cas’s dorm sometimes, and one day Cas taught Dean how to play chess, which Dean proved to be pretty good at, despite how much he complained about being awful at.

Cas was learning that Dean was a lot smarter than Dean thought he was. Dean had great grades in the classes he actually enjoyed, like his first year engineering class. But he seemed to focus on his barely passing grades in stuff like English and government, and think himself not smart. Cas did his best to quietly encourage Dean, and was happy when he started to see a shift for the better in Dean’s opinion in himself.

Cas enjoyed learning about Dean, about his family and his life and his interests and so on. Watching the way Dean lit up when talking about cars (his car in particular) and his little brother, who was in high school, that made Cas happy.

He avoided talking about his family for as long as he could though. It was a rather ugly and complicated situation, and he didn’t want to burden Dean with it all.

But one night they were sitting on the floor in Dean’s room, talking, while Dean’s roommate, Benny, was out somewhere, and somehow it all came spilling out of him.

He sat on the floor, leaning his back up against the wall, knees pulled in to his chest with his chin resting on them. Dean sat next to him, and Cas didn’t let himself look at him as he talked.

“I actually have a really big family, I guess,” Cas began. “In the house I grew up in, there were so many kids, I’m not even really sure I knew about all of them. My father,” Cas’s voice shook a little on the word, and he stopped for a breath, “well some of us were his, some of us were adopted. I was actually one of his, the youngest at the time. I loved my brothers and sisters, and I loved my father, but the way he ran out house was so strict, we barely were allowed to be ourselves. He was really strict and weirdly religious, he gave us all names of angels, like my name, and Gabriel and Michael and Raphael and Samandriel and Hael. I remember growing up, never having one friend, and never caring or questioning it until my older brother Gabriel ran away. I heard him and our father yelling one night, and then he was gone, and the things he said, well they made me think. And I didn’t understand at first, but as I grew up, I realized how bad it was to live the way we did. That my father ruled us like a dictator, we had no free will, and the eldest were like his commanders, so washed into thinking his way, never questioning it. And I grew to hate it. So after I graduated high school, I ran away too.” Dredging up memories of the past hurt, even the way his family had been and that he knew he was better off now without them, he loved them, they had loved him in their own way, and he missed them sometimes.

Cas stopped talking for a while, trying not to let his shoulders shake. He jumped a little when he felt Dean’s arm come up and rest on his shoulders, pulling him a little closer. It was comforting and warm and nice. Cas tried not to think about it.

“You don’t have to do this, you don’t have to talk about it if it hurts,” Dean said quietly.

Cas took a deep and shaky breath, and replied how Dean had whenever Cas had said the same thing. “Yes I do. And I want to.”

After a moment, Cas kept going. “Essentially, I had betrayed them, I had left them to come to college down here, to be my own person and do things on my own. And for that, they basically disowned me. And I did the same in return.” A small reassuring squeeze to his shoulder kept him going. “I cut them out of my life completely, took them out of my records, out of my phonebook, and so on. And then I found Gabriel, and met his wife, Kali, and discovered that they were really great people. They live a few hours away from here so I visit them a little bit but not often. They helped me out some, and here we are, almost a year later. I’m glad I’m out.”

Cas felt a few tears falling down his nose, and wiped them away quickly. “I don’t need them, I don’t want them, and they don’t want me either,” he said fiercely. But more tears replaced the first ones, and Dean pulled him a little closer, so that Cas was leaning on Dean’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean said a few times, quietly, rubbing Cas’s shoulder a little. “It’s okay.”

They sat like that for a while, until they heard a key in the lock that was Benny coming back, and leaned away from each other reluctantly, Cas rubbing his face to make sure there was no traces of tears left in him.

Cas stood and greeted Benny, who slapped him kindly, but a little too hard, on the back in a hello, and then headed back to his dorm soon after that, with a small goodbye and a wave to Dean, who smiled back a little sadly.

Cas felt guilty about opening up to Dean, but he also felt an odd, pleasant sense of release from it, and on the walk back, decided that he was glad that he had, overall. The only other person he had told was Hannah, but not so much. She hadn’t really understood it so much. But he kept feeling Dean’s arm around his shoulder, and wondering if it meant anything, or if it was his hopes making him see it meaning something that it didn’t. _It was just a friend comforting a friend_ , Cas told himself firmly. _Don’t get any hopes up._

But really, telling himself that was useless, because the more he tried not to think about Dean, the more he thought about Dean, and the more he tried to get over him, the harder he fell for him. He couldn't look at anyone without comparing them to Dean.

His friends weren’t much help either. He never really told them outright that he was falling in love with Dean Winchester, but he was pretty sure that they could see the massive crush Cas had formed on the other man. And he knew that him pining over Dean was doing no one any good, but he could hardly help it. Dean was nothing like anyone Cas had ever met before. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t really had that much of a social life before this school year, but still. He had spent a lot of time quietly watching people, and Dean was something special, there was no doubt in Cas’s mind about that.

 

 

One day, Cas was walking with Hannah across campus, like they liked to do for exercise. It was getting to be the rainy part of spring, and the sky was cloudy and looking like it might rain soon, but it was rain free at the moment and they were enjoying the cool walk, when he heard a familiar voice shout, “Hey Cas!”

Cas turned immediately towards the source of the voice, and waved. “Hello, Dean!”

Dean came jogging up to them, smiling. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good,” Cas nodded, and grinned sheepishly over at Hannah as she cleared her throat, tearing his gaze away from Dean. “Dean, I’d like you to meet my good friend, Hannah. Hannah, this is Dean.”

“I assumed so,” she said rather flatly, with a cursory smile at Dean as she shook his hand. “Nice to meet you, Castiel talks about you a lot.”

Cas felt his cheeks redden a little.

“I hear you’re the one who caused him to get a concussion and end up in the hospital?” Hannah addressed Dean with a disapproving frown.

Dean looked away and rubbed at the back of his head. “Yeah, I feel really bad about it still.”

“You should,” Hannah’s eyes narrowed a little, and this is really not how Cas pictured his two best friend’s meeting. Hannah seemed to have a lot more hostility than he would have imagined as judged by how she had previously been treating the situation. But then again, Hannah had been acting odd lately around Cas. He wondered what was going on with her.

“Hannah, it’s fine, you don’t have to-”

“No, it’s not fine,” she turned to him. “He was careless and reckless and you got hurt because of it and he shouldn’t be excused for his actions just because he buys you coffee and smiles a lot and tells you about his family and his car!” She got angry near the end, and glared at Dean, who was standing there with his mouth open looking shell shocked.

“Come on, Castiel,” Hannah said shortly, grabbing onto the arm of his coat and pulling him away down the sidewalk. Cas barely knew what to do, and ended up getting pulled away by Hannah, throwing a panicked and apologetic glance over his shoulder, with the words, “I’ll talk to you later, Dean?” But the wind had picked up, like a storm was coming in, and he didn’t hear Dean’s answer, if there had been one.

They made it around the corner of the next building, before Cas had the presence of mind to dig his heels into the ground and pull them to a halt.

“What the hell was that, Hannah? What happened to, ‘You’re lucky it was someone nice,’ and, ‘Dean sounds like a great guy,’ and, ‘I respect your decision,’ and, ‘I guess it doesn’t matter anymore?’ What happened back there?” he grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face him, her back facing the wall of the building.

They were sheltered from the wind where they were, and the wall of the building created a small, isolated pocket. The wind seemed distant, and as they stood there, Hannah’s head lowered, he realized that her shoulders were shaking ever so slightly, and he let go.

“Hannah?”

“I’m sorry Castiel. I don’t know what came over me. I know he’s a great guy and all, and I’m glad you’re friends with him, I just,” she lifted her head and Cas was alarmed to see a few tears in her eyes, “I know how much you care about him, and I’m so selfish for being jealous of him, but I am, and I saw him and it hit me all at once and I got angry, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Cas hardly knew what to say. “You were, jealous?”

She took a shaky breath and smiled at him. “Dean is a great guy, Castiel, I meant that before, he’s been nothing but kind and amazing and sweet to you when he didn’t have to be, and I’m sorry. You’re lucky to have each other, and I hope I haven’t ruined that for you with my own emotions. You were just always talking about him, and saying how you doubted he really liked you, and I was always thinking, wanting to say, how amazing you really are. How, there was no way he could spend a minute with you and not like you. I’m so sorry.” She hung her head again, and Cas reached out to give her a gentle hug.

“I’m sorry too.”

“You don’t need to be. I’ll be fine,” she mumbled into his shoulder, hugging him back. “You’re my best friend, and that will never change, and I just want you to be happy. Can you do that for me, Castiel?”

“I can try,” Cas answered, releasing her. They exchanged watery smiles, and then both jumped at a distant roll of thunder.

“We had better be getting back,” Cas said, and Hannah nodded. Luckily it wasn’t far, and they both got back to their respective dorms unscathed, though rather wet from the rain.

Cas texted Dean that night, but he never answered, and worry crept its way into his stomach. He hoped that he could right things with Dean after the things Hannah had said, and the way he had just let himself be dragged away in the surprise of it all. He knew that they would stay friends probably, but things wouldn’t ever be quite the same between them anymore after that.

Cas went to bed overall feeling miserable about everything. He had potentially just damaged his friendships with both of his best friends that day, and felt awful. He slept badly that night, and woke up with a bad taste in his mouth and the feeling that he had had bad dreams the night before, but was unable to remember them.

He wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that he had the English class that he and Dean shared that day. He knew that it was better to sort it out sooner rather than later, but he was also worried about what would happen, and his mind kept making up bad scenarios that got increasingly ridiculous as the class neared.

Finally, he was there, and Deans till hadn’t answered his texts. But he walked into class, to see Dean at the table that had become theirs, head down and writing something in a notebook, and walked over to him on slightly shaky legs.

“Hello Dean,” Cas said simply, sitting down next to Dean carefully.

Dean looked up, a slightly guarded look on his face, and smiled a little in greeting. “Hey Cas.” His voice lacked the emotion it had had before, and Cas felt an awful lump forming in his stomach.

There was some silence. “I’m sorry about Hannah,” Cas said quietly. His voice was almost lost to the chatter of the room, but he knew Dean heard him. “She got a little out of hand, and she feels really bad about it. The whole soccer ball thing, it really is okay, and I’m sorry. No hard feelings?”

He almost held his breath as Dean looked at him. But then the tension was released as Dean smiled and nodded, almost back to his old self. “No hard feelings,” Dean repeated. “I understand, and it’s okay.”

Cas nodded, and the two of them turned their attention to the professor as he walked up to the front of the room. They talked less that lesson than normal, and though Dean had said it was alright, Cas’s stomach wouldn’t let go of it.

It wasn’t helped when, after they got out of class that day, Dean turned to Cas and said apologetically, “Hey, sorry Cas, I don’t think I can do coffee today. Gotta run.”

“Oh, okay,” Cas bit his lip, trying not to let it show how he felt the words like a punch to the gut. “See you later?”

“Yeah, see ya,” he said quickly, and with that, Dean took off with a wave, while Cas was left standing in the weak sunlight of the afternoon.

Cas walked slowly back to his room, not wanting to get coffee without Dean, and not really having anything else to do. His mind was plagued with doubts, and he tried to reason them away. _Dean just has something he had to do. He doesn’t have to tell me everything he’s doing, am I really so clingy? It doesn’t mean anything that he canceled coffee for the first time ever the day after this happens, does it? He’s just busy, he can be busy, he doesn’t have to spend every moment with me, you know._

Nevertheless, Cas ended up doing some homework and then laying in a ball on his bed for most of the rest of the day, texting with Hannah a little, as well as Charlie, who asked about why they hadn’t come in that day. He gave her the explanation Dean had given him, they talked for a bit, and then Cas was left alone with his thoughts. He wanted to text Dean, but didn’t want to bother him. He didn’t sleep much again that night.

 

 

The next day was a little closer to what had previously been his normal. He didn’t see Dean, but they texted some and everything seemed fine. He met Hannah for lunch, but they didn’t discuss any of what had happened, and Cas didn’t talk about Dean very much.

The awkward ways continued between Dean and Cas the rest of the week, and though they went to coffee the next time they had class, it wasn’t the same. They talked and laughed and smiled, but something felt off. They were both holding back in ways they hadn’t before, like they were casual acquaintances instead of close friends, and for once, Cas didn’t leave unable to stop smiling. And Dean didn’t once lean back in his full body laugh that Cas loved to make him do, and like he used to do so often. Charlie gave them weird looks the whole time, but didn’t say anything.

Cas told himself he shouldn’t be surprised. Had he really expected the person he cared about so much to want to stay with him? He had known the day would come when Dean lost interest. He just hadn’t expected it to be so abrupt, and he hadn’t expected the distance between him and Dean to hurt as bad as it did.

That weekend, Dean was going home to be with his family for a few days. They didn’t live far, so it wasn’t that far of a drive. On Saturday, he sent Cas a picture of him and his mom and his brother, and there was such a big, happy smile on Dean’s face that it was a little like a knife in Cas’s heart. He missed seeing Dean smile like that, and it had only been a week. He felt pathetic.

It had been almost two months since they met, and finally Cas’s hair had grown out enough for it to be acceptable without the hat, at least after he got a haircut to even it out. He did that as soon as he could, feeling like he was losing interest in the hats. What was the point, really?

It was Balthazar who ended up helping Cas the most. He came in, Sunday night, to see Cas face down on the floor, head in a pillow.

“Cas, love,” he sighed, crouching down by Cas’s head. “You’re acting rather childish about this, don’t you think?”

Cas rolled over slightly, and lifted his head to glare at his roommate.

“Don’t look at me like that. Come on. Whatever happened exactly, is not going to get better by you stewing in your head forever over it. I’m going to give you the same advice I said before. And this is the last I will ever speak of it, because I am really rather tired of it, to be honest. But you need to either _do something about it, or get over it._ Because, Cas, I really do want to see you happy, and moping about over your crush like this is not going to make you happy.”

Cas blinked up at him owlishly, and then sighed, flopping back down. “I know Balthazar. Thank you.” He felt a hand rest on his back for a moment, and then heard Balthazar get up and move around the room.

He knew his friend was right. He didn’t know what to though. _Do something about it._ But what? He clenched his jaw and groaned quietly into his pillow. It didn’t matter what. Just something. Being in this state was horrible, he either needed to fix this, or know for sure what Dean thought of him, because going on like this would kill him. And really the only way to get anything done would be to address the problem directly. That sounded awful, but he had to do it. Soon.

 

 

After their class together the next week after Dean got back, Cas pulled him aside on their way to coffee, out of the way, next to one of the buildings. “Dean, we need to talk.”

“What?”

Cas dropped his hand from Dean’s jacket sleeve and raised his eyes to look at those green eyes he loved so much. “Something had been going on since you met Hannah, and I know it wasn’t just what she said, because I have thought about that and really it is not that big of a deal. But you’ve been acting like something a lot worse than that happened, and I want to know what gives. You’re my friend and I don’t want to lose that.” The words came out quicker than Cas had planned, and he was left just slightly out of breath, staring at Dean.

Cas couldn’t read Dean’s face. He had his guard up. “Nothing is wrong, Cas, we’re just friends, aren’t we?” Dean’s voice was painfully neutral, though a hint of what might have been bitterness crept its way in on the last two words. “Or are we? Do you really care about me, or are you just hiding how much you hate me for what I did and living off of my guilt? Cause trust me, I hate myself enough for it already, so that’s really not necessary to string me along like that.” By the end of Dean’s words, there was not a hint of neutrality left, only pain and anger and hurt, and Cas took a step back.

“How could you even think that? String you along? I would never-” Cas felt the hurt and anger swelling up inside of him, and tried to push it down, but couldn’t really, and grit his teeth against the tears forming in his eyes. “I’ve told you a hundred times that I don’t blame you for what happened, it was an accident and I know that and I am not, and never was, mad about it! You’re my friend and I care about you!”

The anger was draining out of both of them, leaving the sadness and the pain behind it, to match the gray sky of the day.

“Doesn’t matter anyways,” Dean mumbled, breaking their gaze for the first time.

“What?”

Dean sighed, the next words sounding like they were more directed at himself than at Cas. “I can’t really screw this up anymore, so I might as well say it.” The he spoke up, raising his eyes partially, but not all the way, so that he was staring sort of at Cas’s shoulder. “I love you Cas.” He said the words with a sad sort of resignation that almost broke Cas’s heart. They hung in the cold air around them for a moment, before Dean continued on in Cas’s stunned silence. “I know you don’t feel the same, I know you have Hannah, and I sort of suspected it all along, and then the other day happened and I knew, and I know that it shouldn’t hurt me as much as it does, but I hope we can still be friends. If not, I understand, I-”

“Wait, hold on a second,” Cas spluttered, “ _Hannah?_ You think I’m with _Hannah?_ I pine after you for _months,_ and now I find out that you’ve been holding back because of _Hannah_?” His mind was so full of thoughts that it was empty, and he barely knew what to say.

“You- pine- me- what?” Dean looked like he had been taken completely off kilter, and was stood there in the shade of the building with his mouth wide open and his hands hanging limply by his sides and such a dopey look of shock on his face. “She’s not?”

Cas sighed, feeling Dean’s words warm him up from the inside and relax him for the first time in a long time. _I love you, Cas._ All this time, and this… He shook his head. “No of course not. She’s no more than my friend.”

Dean let out a soft little, “ _Oh,_ ” and he just looked so precious and lost, his eyes wide, with the soft gray light of the day making his eyes bright and his freckles stand out on his face.

“I love you too, you idiot,” Cas said, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Dean. The words felt like the biggest weight off of his entire being, and when Dean wrapped his arms around Cas in return and buried his face in Cas’s neck, that was the best Cas had felt in a while.

Cas pulled back with a little smile, and Dean smiled shyly back, a cute pink in his cheeks.

“Wanna go get some coffee?”

“I’d love that,” Cas said with a grin, slipping his hand into Dean’s as they walked together to the coffee shop.

They walked into the coffee shop hand in hand, and when Charlie saw them standing close and smiling dopily, she let out a little yell, that got a few odd looks from the patrons of the shop, but she didn’t really seem to care. She bounced out from behind the counter and met them with a hug.

“Finally! You damn idiots, I was about getting ready to intervene myself if I had to listen to Dean moan about his beautiful blue eyed best friend one more night! Seriously, it was getting ridiculous. Who said something first?”

“Cas,” Dean answered gruffly, blushing fiercely at Charlie’s loud declarations, but squeezing Cas’s hand tightly.

“Ha!” Charlie laughed. “Anna owes me ten bucks.”

“You and Anna bet on that?!” Cas didn’t think it was possible for Dean to get a darker shade of red, but he did, and Cas found the exchange thoroughly entertaining.

“Yeah, course we did,” Charlie laughed again, and at Dean’s glare, rolled her eyes and raised her hands in mock surrender. “Fine, fine, I’ll lay off, _for now,_ but you are hearing from me later, Winchester. I’ll get you guys your coffee.”

As she walked away, Cas leaned into Dean’s side, and squeezed his hand. “Who’s Anna?” He asked curiously, tugging them over to their usual table.

“Charlie’s girlfriend,” Dean, as he relaxed and smiled over at Cas.

“I’ll have to meet her sometime,” Cas smiled as they sat down, hands falling apart but feet finding each other shyly underneath the table.

“Definitely.” Dean grinned at Cas.

Charlie then came over with their drinks.

“Thanks Charlie,” Dean reached out and ruffled the short redhead’s hair.

She shoved him off with a laugh, going back to the counter.

There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes, as each of them nursed their hot drinks in their hands, holding them under their noses, which were still cold from the chilly day outside, to warm them.

“We haven’t talked in a while,” Dean commented, trying to act nonchalant.

“No, we haven’t,” Cas said, taking a sip of his drink and watching Dean carefully. He wondered what Dean was aiming for.

“I see you’ve stopped wearing the beanies. Haircut looks good.”

"Thanks, I'm not too sure about it."

Cas felt like he wanted to laugh, they were being so careful and awkward and it was hilarious to him compared to how they had been as friends before. “Thanks.”

They looked at each other for a moment, and then both started to laugh, the awkward tension that had formed dissipating as they relaxed.

Cas looked at Dean laughing across from him in the warm little coffee shop, his smile brighter than Cas had seen it in so long, and his voice loud and not held back. He made sure to save the moment away in his memory forever, the way Dean looked, the way he sounded, the smell of the room, and the way everything felt, just a little bit perfect, with Dean’s feet entwined with his under the table and the rich taste of his favorite coffee on his tongue.

He never thought he would have this. He had spent so long telling himself he would never have anything like this, that Dean would never and could never be with him, but here they were, after so long and all that confusion and pain, and here they were. It’s not like he expected everything to be perfect, he still had to think about his family and college and life and Dean, but he wouldn’t be alone anymore. The thought was almost unreal.

They spent the rest of the time sitting and talking like they had before, but with the added knowledge of whatever it was that was new between them, which made it all better.

They went to leave, and saw that outside it had started raining, so they both shrunk back under the awning over the entrance of the shop, huddled together with the shock of the cold air of the outside after having been inside the warm little shop for so long.

“I wish I was wearing a hat,” Cas grumbled, looking up at the sky. “I’d gotten used to them. Don’t know why I stopped really.”

Dean laughed slightly, and rubbed at the back of his neck, like Cas knew he did when he was embarrassed.

“What is it, Dean?”

“So this is probably really silly, like really goddamn sappy and silly of me to do, but um,” he cleared his throat and pulled away from Cas a bit to look through his bag.

Cas shivered a little at the cold air that rushed against his side where Dean had previously been nestled, but watched Dean with curiosity.

Dean was talking as he had his hand in his bag, and stopped and looked over at Cas with a shy blush in his cheeks. “I saw this a while ago, and I bought it thinking of you, and I was going to give it to you, but then I got embarrassed, cause it is like, I didn’t know if I should, you know? And then last week happened, and well, I couldn’t take it out of my bag cause it made me think of you and I guess I still had hope and just-”

“ _Dean,”_ Cas interrupted him. “What is it?”

Dean pulled something out of his bag, something black and yellow and all bundled into a ball in his fist, slung his backpack back over his shoulder, and opened up his hand. He held up what Cas realized was a beanie, black and yellow striped like a bee.

Cas let out a happy laugh, “Oh my goodness that thing is hilarious, I love it!”

Dean grinned sheepishly. “Well, here.” He fumbled a little, before reaching out to pull the hat gently on over Cas’s head. He pulled it down a little too far, and Cas’s eyes were covered, but he just laughed and reached up and adjusted it.

“It’s perfect, Dean, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Dean mumbled, a blush covering his face, and Cas smiled warmly at him.

“Do you have an umbrella?”

“Oh, yeah that would probably be useful.” Dean pulled back to look through his bag again, and Cas did the same. “I got nothing.”

“I have one, thankfully,” Cas said with a grin, pulling the collapsed umbrella out of his bag and opening it up away from them. It looked like it would be big enough for the both of them.

“Looks like we’ll have to share,” Cas said with a laugh. “Are you going to be alright with that?”

“I’ll manage,” Dean laughed, sliding his hand into Cas’s and coming up close to his side, so that their shoulders touched, as Cas lifted the umbrella and the two of them stepped out into the rain.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand tightly, and felt Dean return the gesture. He always loved being in the rain under an umbrella or inside. It always created a little sanctuary, being out of the rain yet still in it, and gave Cas a feeling of peace. And with Dean warm by his side, well there was nothing else he would rather share a tiny sanctuary from the rain with. The rain pattered on the plastic of the umbrella and ran down the sides as they walked.

There were some other people around, hurrying through the rain, some with umbrellas and some without. They walked along the sidewalk, through the grass, towards Cas’s dorm building, pressed close to each other.

There was a slippery spot as they walked across the grass as a shortcut, and Dean slipped with a short cry. But as he was hanging onto Cas, they were both able to stay upright, though Dean managed to splash mud all over the lower half of Cas’s pants.

“Are you alright?” Cas steadied him, as the stepped back onto the sidewalk.

“Yeah, I’m good. I got you pretty dirty though, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” Cas was pressed up against Dean’s chest, and they were nose to nose under the umbrella, surrounded by their little rain sanctuary. Cas suddenly found it very hard to think, with Dean’s face only inches from his.

“How bout you let me make it up to you,” Dean breathed, coming a little closer. Cas could feel his breath on his lips, and wanted him so badly to move that last inch or so.

“You don’t have to,” Cas managed, eyes falling shut.

“Oh trust me, I want to,” Dean replied, and then came forward the last little bit to kiss Cas gently on the lips.

Dean’s lips were warm against Cas’s, and Cas pressed back into the kiss, letting out a small, happy sound against the lips he had been thinking about for so long. Dean’s arm came up around Cas’s lower back, his other one still holding the umbrella up above their heads, and pulled him closer. Cas slid his arms up to go around Dean’s neck and pushed a little into the kiss, fumbling a bit but moving as Dean moved. Their noses bumped, and they broke apart, giggling softly, surrounded by the soft sounds of the rain and nothing else, their breathing amplified by the small space of the umbrella, their breaths hot between them.

“So did that count as our first real date?” Cas asked with a quiet laugh.

“Sure, if you like,” Dean answered, both his arms around Cas’s back. They swayed a little, heads on each other’s shoulders, before Cas shivered and huddled into Dean a little more. “I always sort of thought of those coffees as little dates.”

Cas laughed a little, coming forward and brushing his lips across Dean’s again. “I remember pretending they were a lot, that always made me really happy.”

“No pretending anymore.” Dean’s hands pressed into Cas’ back, and they stood there a little bit longer.

“We should get inside.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

With that, the two of them started walking again, huddled together, neither able to keep the smiles off of their faces. Soon enough, they reached the doors of the building, and Cas let them in. He shook off the umbrella on the porch of the building, and then they went inside, huddling together in the elevator and down the hall into Cas’s room.

Cas went to the bathroom to change into some clean and comfortable pants, and came back out in sweatpants and some warm socks, flopping down on his bed where Dean already was, having kicked off his shoes. Dean pulled him up closer, and the two of them curled up together comfortably, exchanging a few words before falling asleep in the warmth of each other’s arms and the cozy little dorm room.

 

 

Balthazar came into the room a little later, to see the two asleep on top of the covers on Cas’s bed, small little contented smiles on both of their faces and limbs entangled. “About bloody time,” he said to himself, with an affectionate roll of his eyes, before quietly getting changed into something more comfortable and settling back onto his bed with his computer.

 

 

Dean and Cas woke up a little later. Cas woke up first, and was initially startled at the pair of arms wound around him, and then relaxing and settling back into them as he remembered what had happened earlier in the day. He smiled to himself, closing his eyes contentedly and waiting for Dean to wake up too. It was pleasant to just lay back against his chest, feeling his heartbeat and his slow breathing. He did wake up after a few minutes, stirring gently against Cas’s back, his arms stretching out a little and then pulling Cas tighter against his chest.

“Morning, Bumblebee,” Dean mumbled softly, his nose pressing into Cas’s neck, who pulled away with a laugh, as Dean’s nuzzling and his breath tickled the soft skin there.

He laughed a little at the nickname. “Actually, from what I can tell, and from the look of the clock on my bedside table, it is more like the middle of the night, as opposed to morning.”

“Well, it’s good at least,” Dean yawned, rolling onto his back. Cas rolled over all the way, so that he faced Dean, his head resting on his shoulder.

“Very true,” Cas answered, shifting and reaching to kiss Dean briefly.

“Hmmmph,” was about all Cas could make of Dean’s answer, as he chased the kiss as Cas leaned back, and sat up a little. Cas’s head (which happened to still be in the bee striped beanie) fell back against the pillow, and his hands found their way to Dean’s hair, pulling the other man on top of him a little more.

They both froze though, at the voice from the other side of the room. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted that you two have sorted things out, but some people in this room are trying to sleep.”

“Sorry Balthazar,” Cas called out, voice full of chagrin.

Balthazar made a noise of tired acknowledgement. Dean and Cas carefully climbed out of Cas’s bed, and Dean picked up his bag and slipped on his shoes. They opened the door and slipped out into the hall as quietly as they could, so as not to disturb Cas’s roommate.

“I should probably be getting back to my room, though of course I’d love to stay here,” Dean’s hand came up to brush at Cas’s cheek and lingered there.

“I’d like it if you stayed too,” Cas smiled. “But I’m afraid we’d keep Balthazar awake.”

“Such a shame,” Dean said with a grin, and stepped closer, crowding Cas up against the wall.

“Yeah,” Cas leaned his forehead against Dean’s.

“Goodnight, Cas,” Dean whispered, breath brushing Cas’s lips.

“Goodnight,” Cas closed the distance, loving the fact that he could do this, that he could just lean forward and kiss Dean. He tasted better than Cas had even thought he would, his mouth warm and soft and pliant under Cas’s.

His hands wound up into Cas’s hair, brushing through the strands. His fingers brushed against the scar on the back of Cas’s head briefly, which was an odd sensation, but didn’t linger there, and one came hand came down to cup Cas’s jaw. It was heaven, and Cas didn’t want it to end. But of course it had to, and after a little while they separated. “Love you, Dean.” Cas breathed the words out, marveling at the taste of them, and at the way they sounded in the air between them.

“Love you too,” Dean grinned, leaning forward to peck Cas on the lips one last time before pulling away. Their hands lingered on each other as Dean stepped back, until it was too far and their hands, the last part of them touching, fell apart.

Cas wrapped his arms around himself and leaned against the wall as he watched Dean go. Just before he turned the corner, Dean turned back to wave at Cas, who returned the wave. He stood in the hallway for about a minute after Dean was out of sight, and then crept back inside the room, closing the door softly. He fell into bed, tired, even though he had just slept for a while. It had been a tiring day. He pulled the covers on over himself and curled up comfortably, closing his eyes and falling asleep quickly, the taste of Dean still on his lips and a thousand thoughts of him in his mind.

 

 

“I’m happy for you, Castiel,” Hannah told him, sincerely, with a small little smile at the lunch they were sharing the next day.

“Thank you Hannah,” Cas smiled back at her.

“So what is the situation? Is he your boyfriend? How are you guys going to proceed?” She took a bite of her pizza and leaned forward with a look of interest.

Cas reddened. “I don’t really know at this point, like we didn’t talk about it much yet.”

Hannah smiled, her eyes crinkling a little at the corners. “Well, make sure you keep me updated on how it’s going and all.”

“Of course.”

They smiled at each other a moment, and then went back to eating their lunch and chatting about other things.

 

 

It was sunny the next time Cas saw Dean. It seemed that the weather had moved on for the time being. Cas was greeted with a light kiss by Dean, and a smile. “Love the hat.”

“Thanks,” Cas laughed, adjusting the stripy hat down over his eyes. “Someone very special to me gave it to me, who I love very much.”

“Do I have to fight someone for your affections?” Dean asked, mocking seriousness.

Cas shrugged. “No, I don’t think so. I think you and him would get along very nicely.”

Dean laughed loudly and brightly at that, and Cas smiled widely. He felt like he was on top of the world, and leaned in to kiss Dean again. Dean was like how Cas supposed sunshine could taste. Bright and warm and beautiful.

 

 

And thus a new routine was settled into, which wasn’t too different from the old one. It did include a lot more kissing and hugging and all that jazz though. Quite a bit more. More handholding down the street and footsie under the table, too. But they still sat together in class, and still went for coffee afterwards. They hung out a lot in each other’s rooms too. It ended up that they were in Dean’s room more, as Balthazar preferred the quiet, and Benny was either out a lot, or if he was hanging around, the three of them got along well. When they had first met, Cas and Benny had clashed for a while, but they had settled in, and Cas might go so far as to consider Benny a friend of sorts.

They got well into spring and almost into summer, the flowers bloomed, and walking across campus or through the park was wonderful. The weather warmed up significantly, and soon enough the semester had ended, and they were facing summer break.

“Hey Cas, do you have any plans for the break?” They were on Dean’s floor, Dean across Cas’s lap, arm across his face, and Cas reading.

Cas shrugged. “Not really. I thought I’d just, sit here quietly. Gabe and Kali are away for about another month, and after that I was going to visit them, and I don’t have really anywhere to go so I was going to hang out in the dorm…”

“You could come with me for a little while.” Dean peeked out from behind his arm, to meet Cas’s eyes. “I’m going to stay with Mom and Dad and Sammy, and they have been bugging me about meeting you ever since we met, almost. And now you’re my boyfriend and my parents have told me about ten times that I should bring you home for a holiday or something. So what do you say?”

Cas blinked down at Dean in mild surprise. Meeting Dean’s family… the thought was exciting, but daunting. These were the people who had known Dean his whole life, they were closer to him than anyone else in the world. The way they judged Cas could have major effects.

“Hey, earth to Cas? What’s up, babe? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, I’d love to go.” Cas made his decision right there, and smiled widely down at Dean on his lap, who grinned back at him.

“Awesome.”

 

 

They packed up about a week after that, and put what they would need into the trunk of Dean’s car, before saying goodbye to a few friends and getting on the road. Cas sat nervously in the passenger seat, looking out the window and listening to the music Dean was playing absently, mind full of possible scenarios for how the next two weeks (the time they had planned on) would go.

“Hey Cas, you alright?” Dean asked, glancing over for a moment from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit nervous,” Cas admitted, turning his attention towards Dean.

“It’ll be alright.” Dean flashed Cas a reassuring smile and took one hand off the steering wheel, proffering it, palm up, to Cas, who took it with a little smile, and let their conjoined hands fall to rest next to his leg. The warm and familiar press of Dean’s palm against his was comforting, and as they drove, Cas relaxed bit by bit. If Sam and Mary and John were anything like how Dean talked about them, Cas knew that he had nothing to worry about. They were sure to be wonderful, amazing people, and Cas only hoped that they liked him and thought he was good for Dean.

The drive was a little over an hour long, and went by quickly. Dean even got Cas to sing along with him to a few songs that Cas actually knew, for a while. Cas decided that if they ever went on a road trip together, they would have a very good time. He enjoyed listening to Dean’s voice, loud and rich and intertwined with Cas’s own as they sung the lyrics out and blasted the music. It was great, and Dean didn’t let go of Cas’s hand even once the whole way. Cas wondered if Dean needed it for comfort and support just as much as he himself did. He gave it a squeeze which was returned, and he knew they would be alright.

Soon enough, they had arrived, and the impala was pulling up in front of a nice little home, not quite white picket fence and all, but looking like it could easily be so. Cas took a breath to steady his nerves after they got out and gathered up their bags. Dean leaned over to kiss him quickly on the lips, a last little reassurance that they had together before they were faced with the family.

They exchanged nods, and then walked up to the door, bags slung over their shoulders. Dean rang the doorbell, and in a few moments, it was opened by a young boy who Cas recognized Sam from pictures.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, launching himself at his older brother, who staggered under the force of the hug, wrapping his arms tightly around his brother. “Damn kid, you’re getting tall. Don’t overtake me!” Dean laughed, and Sam and Cas joined him.

“Is that my older son I hear?” A female voice called from inside the house.

“Yeah mom, it’s me!” Dean called back, an irrepressible grin on his face.

“Well come on in, child!”

“Coming!” Dean turned to Cas, his smile excited and infectious. “Come on inside, Cas. Meet my mom.”

Cas followed Dean inside, glancing back as Sam closed the door, and then looking around the room he found himself in. It was an entry hall of sorts, with the living room directly to the right, and what looked like a kitchen down the hall, past a set of stairs. A woman was coming down the stairs, dressed in jeans and a pretty blue shirt, her hair long and blonde, shot through with gray, and a large smile on her face.

“Dean! And this must be the much talked of Castiel that Dean is so in love with.” She reached the bottom of the stairs quickly and came over, immediately enveloping both of them in a hug.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Winchester. I have heard a lot about you too.” Cas smiled as she pulled back. He could see Dean, nearly red as a tomato, out of the corner of his eye, and smiled a little more.

“You, dear, can call me Mary. If you’re going to be a part of this family, we’d best be on a first name basis.” She smiled, the expression in her eyes warm, and Cas already loved her.

“Thank you, Mary,” Cas said sincerely.

“No need to thank me,” she smiled again, and then took a big breath. “Well, what are we all doing standing in the entryway? Come in, find a place to drop your bags, make yourself at home.” She turned and they followed her farther into the house.

“We’ll just go put these upstairs,” Dean said, kissing his mother briefly on the cheek.

“Alright, come down soon, I have to go get John from the garage. He’s found another project he’s working on.”

Cas followed Dean up the stairs, and they made their way into the bedroom that would be theirs. The bags fell heavily to the floor, and they stretched and rolled their shoulders for a few moments before turning to each other.

“Your mother is a wonderful person.” Cas told Dean, walking up to him and hugging him tightly.

Dean brought his hands up to rub at Cas’s back. “Yeah, she is.”

They stood there for a moment, breathing, and something she had said was floating through Cas’s mind. _If you’re going to be a part of this family._ She already considered him family, and Cas hardly knew what to do with that. He was honored and already overwhelmed. But in a good way.

“We should probably go down again,” Dean said quietly, pushing some of Cas’s hair out of his eyes, his hand trialing down the back of Cas’s head and neck in a way that made him shiver a little.

“Yeah, soon,” Cas answered, kissing him, pressing their mouths together hard. Dean returned the kiss with as much as Cas had put into it, and when they broke apart a few seconds later, they were both a tad breathless.

“Ready?” Dean asked, to which Cas nodded in response.

They went down the stairs hand in hand, and went into the dining room to find the three family members seated the dining table, talking.

“Hey Dad, how’s it going?” Dean grinned easily, and the man Cas assumed was John Winchester rose from the table to give Dean a hug.

“It’s been too long, you need to visit me and your mother more,” John laughed, slapping Dean on the back and letting go.

“Definitely,” Dean agreed.

John then turned to Cas, who felt a lot of his earlier nervousness return under that gaze.

“So you’re Castiel.” It was a statement, not a question, so Cas didn’t answer it. They were silent for a moment, before John stuck his hand out and Cas shook it. “Glad to meet you and glad to have you here, son.”

“Glad to be here,” Cas returned, sighing internally with relief. He took that as acceptance, and was glad to have seemingly passed whatever test John seemed to have put him through in his mind.

They all sat down at the table and talked for a while then. Cas didn’t say a lot, as he was still new to the family dynamic, but he listened, and added in where he saw fit. Overall, it was really nice, and after a while, they ate dinner together, the chat continuing pleasantly, and lasting a while after everyone’s plates were empty.

They said goodnight to everyone, and there were hugs and smiles and such, before finally making it upstairs and being able to be alone together again in their room.

Castiel flopped onto the bed and sighed. Dean sat down next to him, bending over to kiss him on the cheek. “How ya doin, babe?”

“Tired,” Cas yawned. “Interacting with people always takes a lot out of me.”

“Same,” Dean answered, catching the yawn and stretching with it. “What do you say we hit the hay? Screw consciousness.”

“Sounds lovely,” Cas yawned again, rolling slowly off the bed to rummage through his bag for his toothbrush and pajamas. Dean did the same, and they stood side by side, brushing their teeth together at the sink. The total domesticity of it hit Cas, and he smiled a little around the toothbrush.

They finished up and changed quickly into comfy clothes for sleeping in. Cas wore a t shirt and sweats, while Dean opted for a shirt and boxers. They switched off the light and fell into bed next to each other without another thought, and it wasn’t until they were snuggled together in the darkness a few minutes later that Cas realized that it was actually the first time they had shared a bed. As in, on purpose, for the whole night, together.

“I like your family,” Cas said, snuggling back into Dean.

Dean’s breath tickled at Cas’s neck. “I’m glad to hear that. I think they like you too.”

Cas made a happy noise, and there was silence for a minute, before he spoke again, quieter this time. “Makes me wish I had had a mother.”

Dean pulled him closer at the words, arms secure around him. “I know it’s a bit late, but you are welcome to share mine.”

Something about it all was so overwhelming, and Cas felt tears in his eyes. “Thank you, Dean.” He was pretty sure that Dean could tell that he wasn’t just talking about the mother comment. He kept whispering to the darkness. “They are all just so kind and loving and accepting, and it’s all like, the family I never had.”

Cas knew Dean could hear the tears in his voice, and felt Dean pulling on him to roll over. He obliged, and felt Dean’s hand around his back, the other on his cheek. “I’m really happy to have you here. It means a lot to me for you to meet them all, and for them to like you. I mean, I love you, so of course they’re gonna love you too, but still, this is really nice.”

Cas curled in closer to Dean’s chest. “I love you too. And I’m so glad for all of this as well.” He could still feel the tears in his eyes, but more he felt sleep beckoning him. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight, my angel,” Dean mumbled into Cas’s shoulder. They both fell asleep soon after that.

 

 

The morning brought delicious smells wafting up into their room, under the door. They both made appreciative noises as they woke up, smelling what seemed like bacon and maybe waffles or pancakes, as well as coffee.

They woke up slowly still though, stretching and yawning, snuggling back into the chest of the other person several times, before the smells of food were too much, and they dragged themselves out of bed and down the stairs, pajamas and bedheads and all.

They were met with John at the stove, flipping a pancake, while Sam and Mary sat at the table, already eating. They were all in their pajamas too, though Cas wondered how in the hell they were all up already. That was definitely not a trait that Dean shared with his family.

“Good morning boys,” Mary called, waving sleepily at them with her hand that wasn’t holding a coffee mug.

“Help yourselves,” John added in, gesturing at an already made stack of pancakes.

“Morning,” Dean answered, at the same time that Cas said, “Thank you.”

Cas went straight for the coffee pot that was sitting on the kitchen counter, and Dean helped him find the cups and plates, and eventually the two of them were settled sleepily at the table, food in front of them.

Over breakfast, they discussed what to do that day. There weren’t really any plans, they mostly involved hanging around and doing what struck them at the moment.

After they finished eating, Cas and Dean went upstairs to get dressed for the day. Dean went to take a shower, and the water was running when the bathroom door opened and Dean stuck his head out. “Care to join me?” he asked, grinning.

Cas laughed and got up. “Sure.”

They hadn’t really done this before, but Cas didn’t find himself getting anxious about it as he walked over to the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. Dean had already climbed in, and so Cas quickly stripped off his clothes, piling them in a corner of the bathroom, and stepped into the shower next to Dean. It turned out to be a very nice experience, washing each other off, the warm water flowing over the both of them, especially the feeling of Dean’s hands in his hair, that was really nice, as well as warm, wet kisses, and one funny moment when Cas got a blob of shampoo on his finger and stuck it onto Dean’s nose with a little, “boop!” and both of them laughed. They got out eventually and toweled off, getting dressed and going downstairs after taking a minute to make out against the door of their room.

The rest of the day continued nicely, with lots of talking and hanging out. Sam, Dean, and Cas went on a little walk through the park, partly to show Cas the neighborhood, also just to spend time together. The walk was nice, and Cas enjoyed getting to know Sam a little better after hearing so much about him. He was a good kid, smart, kind, everything Dean said he was.

The rest of the two weeks progressed similarly, with relatively no rough patches, and Cas enjoyed himself immensely. The end of the time came really fast, and soon enough it was time for Cas to head off. Gabriel and his wife were going to be back in a few days, and he was going to spend a little while visiting them. He was excited to go and see his brother and Kali, but he was also sad to be leaving his newfound little family. The past couple of weeks with Dean had been like a little heaven, and he didn’t want to go.

 

 

“I’ll miss you,” Cas mumbled into Dean’s shoulder.

“I already miss you,” Dean said back, holding him a little closer.

“I’ll be up there for about the next month,” Cas sighed. “You should come up a little later, come and meet them.”

“I just might have to do that.”

They were back up at the campus, where Dean had driven Cas, and were delaying Dean driving off for as long as they could. Cas lifted his chin to capture Dean’s lips in a kiss, one that tasted soft and sweet, a temporary goodbye.

“I’ll see you soon,” Cas whispered as his lips left Deans.

“Yeah, see you soon.” Dean kissed his nose quickly, and stepped back. “Love you, Cas.”

“I love you too, Dean Winchester,” Cas stated, staying standing where he was as Dean walked back a few steps and then turned to get in his car. Cas waved as Dean drove away.

 

A few days later, he was hugging his older brother, whom he couldn’t really call his big brother, considering how much shorter than Cas Gabriel was. Gabe let go eventually, and Cas hugged Kali as well. She was a beautiful woman, and Cas joked sometimes about wondering how she ever ended up with his brother. But he didn’t really mean it. Gabe could be a pain in the ass, but he was a really good guy, and he cared a lot about what he chose to care about, even though he didn’t like to admit it.

They had invited Cas to stay for a month, and when he had accepted, he hadn’t really been thinking about being away from Dean for so long. But he had to try and not focus on Dean for a while. He was here with his brother and sister-in-law that he hadn’t seen in forever, the only by blood family he had who would accept him, really, and he needed to make the most of it.

He hadn’t talked to Gabe much about the whole Dean thing, just a few messages occasionally giving a broad idea of what was going on, that he had a boyfriend, a few pictures of them being happy, and Gabe had replied happily but rather shortly, being with as busy as he was.

But for the next month, they were all on vacation, which was really nice. After he got there, he asked about Dean maybe coming up to meet them and maybe stay a while, and the idea was greeted with enthusiasm, so that made him happy.

He texted with Dean a lot, and Gabe teased him about it a little, but was stopped by Kali, who called the whole thing, “cute.”

Cas missed Dean pretty bad. It was hard, going from practically living with him for a few weeks, to being limited entirely to text and phone calls.

After three weeks, Dean said he was able to come up and probably stay with them for a week, about which Cas got extremely excited, and spent most of the day annoying them about it. They weren’t really annoyed by it though, luckily.

When Dean pulled up a few days later, he was greeted in a bone crushing hug from Cas, which he happily returned, as well as the long kiss they shared out in the driveway. But soon enough, Cas managed to bring Dean inside, practically buzzing with nerves and excitement.

Gabe shook Dean’s hand firmly, squinting at him a little before pulling him into a quick hug and turning to congratulate Cas on the fine piece of ass that he had picked up.

They both blushed hard, and Cas said with a small laugh, “I hardly picked him up, more like _he_ knocked _me down._ By hitting me in the head.”

They all had a laugh at that, even Kali, which made Cas happy. She didn’t laugh much. (Another reason that her and his brother seemed an odd match, being as he was rather boisterous and a bit of a trickster.)

Gabe and Kali had a really nice house on a hill, with neighbors far away, a lake not too far, and so many trees all around them. It felt mysterious and secluded, and Cas loved it. It was really nice to sit with Dean outside in the trees. They went swimming in the lake one of the days too, which was awesome.

At one point, Gabriel pulled Dean aside. “I’m really glad he has you, Dean,” the shorter man said, in an uncharacteristic bout of seriousness. “I don’t know if you can see it, but you have done him a world of good. I’ve never seen him this happy. He needs someone in his life besides me and Kali, and I think you’re a good guy.”

“Thanks Gabe,” Dean said, a little taken aback, but feeling honored by being told this by Cas’s big brother. “That means a lot.” He said it with as much meaningfulness as he could.

“Don’t mention it,” Gabriel answered gruffly. “But,” he punched Dean in the shoulder, “you hurt him and you die, kid, I’m not telling you twice.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good.” Gabe nodded, looking at Dean for a moment, before nodding again and walking away.

And afterwards, they both went back to the college campus and dorms for a little while before the next semester started. They actually had a lot of time, and while Dean planned to go back to his family’s for a little while later probably, they decided to enjoy what time they had like this. The campus during the summer was close to empty, with only a few people milling around, and it was beautiful like that. Cas had some research he was working on with one of the honeybee labs, and since he was back on campus, it was his turn to take care of it, which he enjoyed. After so much time with family directly after school let out, being alone and quiet with his bees was very comforting. And he had a lot more time to hang out with Dean.

The summer went by relatively quickly, and soon enough they were starting up the first semester of their sophomore year with brand new classes. They no longer had one together, as their majors diverged more the second year as they moved out of the basic classes and onto higher level ones that went with their majors more. But they planned their coffee dates in a time slot that they both had open on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and life was good.

 

 

They were laying on Cas’s bed, Cas leaned up against the headboard and Dean between his legs, laying back on his chest, so he could just faintly hear Cas’s heartbeat. Cas was reading a book, which was in front of him, resting on Dean’s stomach, who had his eyes closed, almost asleep, but not quite.

Dean stirred a little, with a sleepy sound, and hummed softly for a moment. “I think about the day we met a lot, you know.”

“I would, if I remembered it more,” Cas joked.

“I still feel bad about it,” Dean confessed, opening his eyes, a little frown on his face.

“You don’t have to, I forgive you for giving me a concussion. Really, I’m glad it happened in a way, cause I met you.” Cas slipped a bookmark in and set the book aside to look down at Dean, grasping hands with him and resting their linked hands on Dean’s chest, a little under his heart.

“It’s kind of all ridiculous, isn’t it?” Dean laughed and smiled and stretched up and back to press a small kiss onto Cas’s chin. “Did I ever tell you what happened when you were out cold?”

Cas was intrigued. “No actually, you didn’t. No one did.”

“Well then,” Dean shifted a little, getting a bit more comfortable. “I should.”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Well like, I kicked the ball and it went a crazy direction cause I hit it wrong, and then it smacked right into the forehead of this guy walking down the sidewalk, who just falls right over onto his back. And I see his head hit the sidewalk, and I’m like, ‘oh shit,’ cause people can die from shit like that, so like I ran over. And there was some blood already and I was freaking out, but this guy was out cold, and I was scared of hurting him more, but I didn’t know what to do. So I pick him up, which was not easy, let me tell you, and luckily the first aid building is pretty close, so I carry him over. And like, I can’t help looking down at the guy, and like, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to call him cute or freaking hot, but the blood on my arm was kinda a more pressing matter than his stupid face.

“But then, like, his head was all lolled against my shoulder, and if I hadn’t known better, it was like I was carrying him somewhere and he was just plain asleep, and then he sort woke up, like his eyelids fluttered and he wiggles around a little, and was mumbling little things, random words about bees and honey and galaxies, and I kinda got this feeling in my stomach, and I think right then I started loving him a little bit.”

Cas laughed and squeezed Dean’s hands, glad that Dean couldn’t see his face. “Love you,” he whispered, kissing the top of Dean’s head.

“And then, they tell me you have to go to the hospital, and I am majorly freaking out at this point, cause I didn’t wanna hurt you, and I didn’t know you, and you could probably sue me for it, and it was bad. They let me come along though, probably 'cause I was the one who hit you, but yeah. And then you woke up and they let me in, and you were all doped up on pain meds, and that made it even worse, because of your stupid adorable dopey sleepy face.”

“Mmm, I remember this part,” Cas smiled. “I woke up, and you came in, and I thought you were some hallucination I created on my pain medications and maybe with help of the head injury, because you looked too good and I had no idea why such a man would come and see me.”

Dean smiled up at him, and rolled over to press Cas into the bed with a kiss.

 

 

They had a weird moment around the end of the year when they were out. They were walking through some store, Cas was holding Dean’s hand and talking about the habits of his honey bees, when he came to an abrupt stop. He felt Dean get pulled to a stop next to him, and retained a vice like grip on his hand.

“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean tugged on his arm a little bit, But Cas didn’t look away from the person walking towards them.

“Hello, Castiel. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Michael,” Cas said, his voice emotionless. He felt Dean stiffen beside him. He’d told Dean about his eldest brother, the one who seemed to be more in charge than their father was.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Dean asked, his voice biting, anger just barely concealed.

“Like it’s your place to talk,” Michael said coolly, and turned back to Cas.

“How is it, living the life of a traitor, Castiel? Are you happy with yourself for what you’ve done, for leaving our family like you did?”

Cas grit his teeth, old fears of his eldest brother stirring up deep inside of him. “Actually, I am happy.” Cas replied, nearly strangling Dean’s hand with his. “And the life of a traitor, as you define it, is much better than being mindless and trapped. Free will is a pretty good thing, Michael, I think you should give it a go, instead of following every order of a father who was never even there for us.”

With that, he felt amazingly better, although somehow at the same time inside he was still shaking so hard he thought he might be sick. But he steeled his gaze and looked Michael in the eyes, walking away while still grasping Dean’s hand without a backward glance at his stunned brother.

They walked to the other side of the store before Cas stopped, leaning against a wall and taking a huge breath.

His arms were shaking, and his stomach was doing flips, but he felt better than he had about the rest of his family in a long time. “I can’t believe I just said all that,” he half whispered to himself.

“Me either,” Dean shook his head, an awed expression of pleased shock. “But damn, it was something.”

“You’re telling me,” Cas ran his hand through his hair, fingers brushing lightly over the scar in the back, as he had increasingly had the habit of doing.

“Are you alright?”

Cas laughed, feeling oddly light. “Actually, I’m great. Better than ever.”

Dean returned his grin, and they laughed for a minute or so, before finishing up getting what they went to the store for.

 

 

Cas didn’t hear from any member of the family he had left behind after that. He had wondered why Michael was even up there, because Cas had moved pretty far away. Dean reckoned they were making a lame attempt to either get him to come back or to shame him into feeling awful. Thankfully, neither of those things had happened though, and life continued on.

They always visited their families in the summer and on breaks and such, and after sophomore year, they moved out of the dorms to share a crappy little apartment together very close to the school. It was really nice to have the privacy for once, to have their own space just to themselves and to be able to fall asleep and wake up together every night and morning. To have their own bedroom and bathroom and kitchen and everything, it was wonderful, and they got along very well in their new space. Cas did seem fond though, of surprising Dean out of the blue with little “boop,” that reminded him of that first time they showered together, though without the shampoo.

No, instead it might be a small dab of peanut butter that was booped onto Dean’s nose, or a spoon of ice cream, or whipped cream, or most of the time, just Cas’s finger, that came up and surprised him. Dean supposed he could find it annoying if he wanted to, but instead he found the fun in it, and liked to get Cas back every once in a while. His favorite was the surprise water balloon attack at the little park at their apartment complex one summer.

Every day made Cas only more sure that Dean was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with, even with all the ups and downs and the rough patches, because they always got through to the other side better than they had been at the start. Cas was always reminded of something he had seen a while ago somewhere, that said, “When two people really care about each other, they always find a way to make it work. No matter how hard it is.” And that’s what he and Dean did, they loved and lived and they made it through.

 

 

It was about a year and a half after they graduated from college. They had settled in a little apartment together and each had been lucky in finding a good job for themselves to pay off loans and the bills with. It was nice and cozy, they didn’t have any pets, other than a fish that had been named Susan, and sat in a goldfish bowl on the counter, but had talked about maybe getting another pet at some point.

Cas was waiting for Dean to get back. It was Dean’s turn to cook dinner, and he had texted that he would be running late, but Cas wished he could hurry up. He was hungry and he missed Dean too.

He yawned and grabbed his book, going over to curl up into the couch with a blanket. He was just finishing up the chapter he had been on when he heard the door opening, and a familiar voice.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean called.

Cas got up and set down his book, coming around the corner to welcome Dean with a hug and a deep kiss, which Dean returned enthusiastically.

“How was your day?” Cas asked, setting his chin on Dean’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

“Mmm, pretty good. How about you?” Dean’s hands slid under Cas’s shirt, his hands warm and a little bit rough on Cas’s back.

“Decent,” Cas yawned. “Tiring.”

“Well,” Dean said, with a secretive little smile. “I’ve got something for you.”

“Really? What?” Cas opened his eyes wide.

“Something,” Dean answered cryptically, grinning, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little. He pulled back, and threaded his fingers together behind Cas’s back, while Cas’s arms lingered around Dean’s shoulders.

They stood there for a moment, soft smiles on their faces. “Do you know how much I love you?” Dean asked.

Cas pursed his lips in thought. “Well, I know how much _I_ love _you._ I think that gives me a pretty good idea. I couldn’t imagine anyone loving someone more than I love you.”

Dean lowered his eyes a little and smiled, leaning his forehead on Cas’s. It was kind of dark in the entryway where they stood, and they shadows played on Dean’s face. Cas had his eyes open, where Dean’s had fallen shut. Their eyes were close together, and Cas could see Dean’s eyes moving faintly under his lids, the light from the next room making his eyelashes cast long, thin shadows across his cheeks.

“What is it, Dean?” Cas asked quietly.

But Dean didn’t answer him yet. “We’ve been together a while, haven’t we?”

“Five years in a couple months,” Cas confirmed. “But what’s up, Dean?”

Dean huffed out a small laugh, and lifted his chin to kiss Cas lightly on the forehead. “I love you.” He squeezed Cas tighter, lifting him up momentarily in his arms and spinning for a moment, making both of them laugh. Dean leaned his back on the wall, still holding Cas close to him. Cas was extremely curious what was up with Dean. He was acting a little odd, and Cas hoped everything was okay with him.

Dean took a deep breath, which Cas felt shake a little bit, with how his chest was pressed to Dean’s, and Dean’s arms tightened a little before relaxing again.

“Man,” Dean shook his head with a small laugh, “I have no idea how to do this. I mean, I know how people normally do it, but I wanted to make it special and I don’t know what to do.”

“Dean, whatever it is,” Cas pushed his head away just enough to look Dean in the eyes, the faint light shining in them. “Just tell me.”

Dean leaned forward to kiss Cas, a warm press of lips. Cas could taste the faint amount of sweat on Dean’s mouth, along with various tasted from his day. But underneath all of that was the familiar feel and taste that was just Dean, something Cas could never really get enough of.

Dean pulled away, but left his face close to Cas’s, his breath brushing across Cas’s cheek. Cas smiled, his eyes still closed from the kiss, and leaned his head forward that last little bit to rest his forehead against Dean’s.

“Open your eyes, Cas,” Dean whispered, and Cas did.

Dean’s green eyes hovered an inch or two in front of Cas’s, bright and excited and a little bit scared.

“Dean?” Cas felt like something was going to happen, and an idea formed in the back of his mind, but he held his breath, waiting for Dean to say it.

“How would you feel about marrying me, Cas?” Dean blinked once, shyly. Cas thought he could feel the heat coming off of Dean’s face, and he smiled. “I have a ring,” Dean continued, speaking quickly, “this isn’t just off the top of my head, and I was gonna do it all classic, down on one knee and such, but that didn’t feel quite right, and-”

“Dean,” Cas said again, lifting his hands to place them on either side of Dean’s face, and Dean stopped talking, his eyes wide open, and his mouth hanging open again, reminiscent of that first day that had told each other that they loved each other. He leaned forward to place a soft kiss on Dean’s lips. “There is nothing in the world,” he said, hardly able to speak through the emotion, “that I would love more than to marry you.”

“So yes?”

“Yes,” Cas laughed, feeling the joy rising inside of him. Dean laughed too, surging forward to grab Cas and spin him around again, before letting him down on his feet and kissing him soundly.

“We’re going to get married!” Dean exclaimed, to which Cas smiled widely, kissing Dean again.

 

 

Cas took a deep breath and fidgeted a little with the piece of paper in his hands, before glancing over it again and tucking it into the pocket of his tux. He took another deep breath, leaning back in the chair he was sitting in and closing his eyes.

He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. It was just one of the biggest days of his life. He let out a laugh, if it could be called that. It was more an effort at releasing the pent up tension inside of him, coming out in a short, sharp breath. It didn’t really help, and he leaned forward again, elbows on his knees, head hanging down heavily between his shoulders.

He felt a small ache in the back of his head, and sighed. Sometimes, when he was under stress, it ached like that, and the past several months had been extremely stressful, with all the planning and everything culminating on the one day, which had finally arrived, and there he was freaking out in a back room waiting for it to start and getting a headache because he was panicking for no good reason.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he jumped at it, any chance for a distraction, and smiled, relaxing marginally when he saw Dean’s name on the screen. He opened the message.

_How are you doing? I’m kinda freaking out, honestly._

Cas typed out his reply. _Same, really. The waiting is killing me, I just want it to start already._

The answer came in a few minutes later. _I know right, like they’re in there arranging people or some shit and I just want to get this show on the road._

_I agree. I think it should be starting soon. Are you ready?_

_Hell no. Let’s do it._

_Love you_

_Love you too_ ;)

A minute later, Gabe’s head popped in the door, grinning. “Come on, little bro. It’s show time.”

Cas stood, wiping his hands on the side of his pants, as they were a bit sweaty, and still shaking a little, though talking to Dean for a little while had definitely helped.

It felt like a bit of a blur, but within minutes, Cas was standing across from Dean in front of their family and friends, with a minister on their other side, and Cas was looking at Dean for pretty much the first time that day, other than when they had woken up and spent the morning together. He couldn’t have torn his gaze away if he had wanted to. There was something especially beautiful in Dean’s face that day. It was more than just the pure, untethered joy in his expression, or the light in his eyes, or the way the sunlight filtered into the room through the tall windows and mixed with the lights suspended from the ceiling, giving the room the feeling of a movie scene, everything white and yellow and golden. The light made Dean’s hair look like thick, rich honey, and his eyes were like the dark greens and golds of a forest in the afternoon. And the blush on his cheeks highlighted his freckles in that way Cas loved so much. It was all of that and more.

They wore almost matching tuxedos. The smiles on their faces matched too, their cheeks hurting and their eyes crinkled and their chests feeling like they would burst with it all.

The minister went through his words, until it was time for them to exchange their vows, which they had opted to write themselves. Dean went first, pulling out a piece of paper that matched the one in Cas’s pocket for the amount of wear on it.

“Cas, when we met, I was pretty sure you were going to hate me. I hated me for it for a little while. And I was so worried about it that I acted like a real idiot about it all. And then you pulled me aside that day, your eyes the same color as the stormy sky behind you, and demanded the truth. And the look you gave me when I told you I loved you for the first time is one of my favorite memories. And then you said it back to me, and then it all kept going, and by the time you were holding my hand under the umbrella and wearing that ridiculous bee hat, I knew I could never love anyone as much as I do you. And every day, I love you more, and you show me every day how amazing and brilliant you are. You are my world, Cas, you are made of the universe, of stardust and honeybees and laughter and rain, and I’m the luckiest man I know for getting to share the rest of my life with you.”

Cas felt the tears on his face, and saw them in Dean’s eyes too as he looked up from his paper. Dean huffed a little laugh cry, and reached up a hand to wipe the tears away from Cas’s cheek, his hand lingering on the side of Cas’s face for a moment in a caress, and then falling away. “You alright there, huggy bear?”

Cas made a similar noise to the one Dean had made a moment before, one that would have been a laugh if he hadn’t been crying. “Not really. But I’m fine, just give me a moment.”

Dean smiled, and Cas looked at him for a moment to gather strength, before reaching into his pocket to draw out his own prepared words.

“I have lived the majority of my life thinking I was someone I wasn’t, and not even being my own person. And then one day I escaped, thinking that I had it all. But before you, Dean, I didn’t even know what love meant, although I thought I did. And then you quite literally crashed into my life, though you remember those first moments a lot better than I do.” There was a small chuckle from the people listening. “After that, everything changed. You are such an amazing, beautiful, vibrant person, and I don’t want to even think what my life could have been without you. You welcomed me into your life and your family so easily. You became my family, and my home. There was no one moment when I started loving you, Dean Winchester. My love for you is timeless, it is always and forever, without end or beginning, it is made of every fiber of my being and every atom of the world, and I know I’ve chosen you in countless lifetimes and countless worlds, and I always will.” His voice was thick by the end of it, and he had to hold the paper out from him a little to avoid dripping tears onto it.

He lifted his head, eyes meeting Dean’s, which shone with the tears that were falling down his cheeks. “You alright there?” he asked, echoing Dean from before, and both of them laughed through the happy tears.

“Fine,” Dean managed, clearing his throat a little and huffing out a breath, trying to collect himself, but smiling big still, the laughter lines on his face crinkled up. Cas reached out and they took each other’s hands as the ceremony continued.

“I do,” Cas said, voice confident, with only a little shake from emotion.

“I do,” Dean said in turn, seeming awed at the words.

And then it was done, and they wrapped their arms around each other to kiss for the first time as a married couple, the sound of people in the background distant as they lost themselves in each other.

 

 

The reception was held directly afterwards, and they had a blast. Dean had insisted on a lot of the music, though Cas and Sam had both gotten their hands in there with some of their own choices, and as a result, the music selection was eclectic, to say the least. But people seemed to enjoy it.

Dean and Cas had the first dance by themselves, as tradition. It was a slow song, and they held each other as the people around them watched, heads on each other’s shoulders, oblivious to their spectators.

“I love you so freaking much, Cas,” Dean whispered, his fingers tightening slightly where one rested on Cas’s back and the other around his hand.

Cas squeezed back and they could both feel the new, unfamiliar sensation of the metal against their ring fingers, and both secretly grinned into the other’s shoulder. “I love you more.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Dean laughed, but his voice was a little thick.

“Well,” Cas turned his face to brush his nose along Dean’s jaw, “I’ll just have to prove it to you, every day for the rest of our lives.” He felt a pleasant shiver go down his spine at the words.

“Not if I prove it to you first.”

“Dean, I think that’s counterproductive to the point you were trying to make.” He could feel Dean laugh against his chest.

“Doesn’t matter,” Dean swayed back and forth with the music. “We have the rest of our lives.”

“Wow. We really do, don’t we?” No matter how many times he thought that the fact he was married, _to Dean,_ had already, truly hit him, Cas kept getting proved wrong.

“Yeah,” Dean’s voice was a soft and pleasant rumble on Cas’s chest, and he smiled, lifting his head again to meet Dean in a kiss.

After the music faded out, there was some clapping and cheering, and then a new song played and they were joined by the rest of their guests for dancing. They danced with a lot of their friends and family, Charlie, Anna, Gabriel, and so on. Hannah was also there (and had brought her boyfriend, Eric, along too), and Balthazar and Benny, as well as a few other friends, like Dean’s friends Jo and Ellen Harvelle, and his surrogate uncle Bobby Singer, and of course Kali and John and Mary and Sam, along with some others.

They had sent a wedding notice to the rest of Cas’s family, just as a courtesy, and had made sure not to actually send them an invite. Cas was unsurprised to get no response from them. He didn’t really mind. They weren’t even really his family anymore. Dean was, and Gabe and his wife and John and Mary and Sam, and all of his friends. They were the ones who cared about him and who he cared about in return. Cas wouldn’t have been very surprised if his letter had ended up in the trash bin, ripped into pieces. It didn’t matter. He had his closure, and he was happy with it.

Dean and Cas danced and ate and talked and laughed, wandering around the place the whole time and barely sitting down, so that as the end neared, their feet hurt pretty bad from all of the standing. But they never left each other’s side, holding onto each other happily, with dopey grins on their faces the whole time, and matching silver bands on each of their left ring fingers.

They left for their honeymoon a few days later, and the families saw them off, which meant John, Mary, Sam, Gabe, and Kali were all there and gave them both long, fierce hugs, and waved as they drove away. The cans on the back of the impala were clanking for the newlyweds, who drove hand in hand, ready to face the world together.

 


End file.
